Whose dick was it anyway?
Debbie Kruger
Homebody SYDNEY STYLE YOUNGER YEARS Killara High days Reunions

Whose dick was it anyway? (Muck-up day revisted)

Written by Norman
Read out at the 15-year Class of '79 KHS Reunion by Stutch

In the words of Australian Crawl, “Ooh Errol...oh how I want to be...just like him..."

I think Errol Flynn was every schoolboy's secret hero.

Here was a man who scorned authority, disdained convention and (successfully) wooed women. Dashing, debonair, Errol was larger than life and so, reputedly, was his dick.

Back in '79, when our group sat round 'the slab' thinking about Muck-up Day, it seemed natural and indeed downright respectful that we immortalize the immortal. In this way, the idea of the Errol Flynn Memorial Fountain was germinated.

Design and logistics were discussed at the back of my parent's place. Materials gathered included; chicken wire, foam and regulation Killara High hoola hoops. There were also a few sheets dyed pink by Mrs Reede down the road - who would be saying a few Hail Marys today if she knew she had aided and abetted a blaspheme!

The hardest part was designing the knob. No-one researched Errol's credentials, but as in most memorials throughout the ages, we modeled it on ourselves.

A quick check around, and the majority consensus was that our flagpole erection had to be circumcised. Sorry Roan! Now let me here once and for all settle a suburban myth. Our creation was not modeled on Tom Price. His modeling career started after school. But who knows, maybe our oversight spurred him on to his chosen career.

Actually, Michael B was responsible for dick design, after a ten minute trip to our toilet with a pad and pencil (HB I think). The responsibility of this task ultimately consumed Benny, starting what has become known as the 'Curse of the Big Dick (Bigus Dickus in Latin). The last time that I bumped into him a number of years ago, Benny was into acting (like Errol) and had become a Rajnishi.

Other people who had a hand in the Big Dick Affair have also been affected. Andrew S was struck down in his bachelor prime, with a baby daughter. He blamed it on two long cycles followed by a very nasty short one, but don't you believe it.

Bigus Dickus Cursus.

James Fulballs F was likewise struck down with a boy. Anna C, who made some very neat cut and tucks around the EFMF knob, married someone with a surname, 'Deck' - and if you are a Kiwi or understand Kiwi-speak, you'll know what I mean. And to top that off, she was also struck down with twins.

Bigus Dickus Cursus.

Katrina F rushed off after school and gravitated towards that most phallic of machines - the aeroplane. She developed a career as a flight attendant and if she hasn't yet come down to earth, I'm sure that she's up there now a mile high - as close as you can get to Errol. Bigus Dickus Cursus.

Pete D, soon after Muck-Up Day, found his head thinning and taking on the proportions of our creation. For no small reason did we call him 'Son of a Dick'. He'll be struck down next year.

Bigus Dickus Cursus.

As for myself, I don't know if my prominent nose has acted as a talisman. After five years of marriage I am yet to be struck down but one can only live in dread.

Norman K

PS In case you're wondering what ever happened to the Big Dick. The hoops were returned to Killara High's sports department. The remains were cremated in a camp-site bonfire down the South coast (Bendalong) and the ashes tossed seaward. It's what Errol would have wanted.

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